Today I stood in a not so clean public toilet and injected myself with a drug. As I walked into the toilets I hoped no one walked in at the same time. It felt weird washing my hands before I went into a stall but I already felt dirty. I quickly dried them and locked myself away before anyone else came in. I felt guilty as the shopping bag rustled as I pulled it out of my handbag and pulled the box out of the bag. I could hear the music from the baseball game outside and as the crowd cheered something I must be missing I wanted to be back in the bleaches - but I wanted this more.
I realised I'd forgotten the alcohol wipes but there wasn't much I could do about it. I was extra glad I'd washed my hands. I tried to be quick, needle screwed on, dosage set and into my skin.
Quick, painless and satisfying but i forgot the sharps container so I had to recap the needle and put it back in the bag. I was not going to stoop that low and become THAT person who leaves a used syringe in a bin.
I let guilty as I left the stall, certain that the mother and young girl at the sink were giving me funny looks.
I never thought I'd be the person injecting in a public toilet. All just part of the IVF journey.