And so it begins! Yesterday morning we headed into the clinic before work for my blood test to check that my hormone levels were ok to start the IVF cycle. I got the phone call mid morning and at lunch time J and I walked down to the clinic to collect the medications - I can't go on enough about how great it is working within walking distance of the clinic (and J's office!). Two big bags full of boxes this time around, I think the reality of the new cycle hit me seeing it all there in front of me. Last time I had one box of gonal f and one box of ovidrel (the trigger), this time I have two boxes of gonal f, one box of ovidrel and five boxes of cetrotide. 8 boxes!!!!
The rest of the day was a lot of clock watching, waiting for 8pm - my new daily injection time. The excitement that I've had over the last few days about getting started again began to give way to nerves, mostly around how the higher and new medications will effect my body.
I think part of the issue was waiting - during my IUI cycles I did my injections in the morning so it was easy - wake up, do the injection, get on with the day. It was almost a relief for my alarm to go off at 7.55pm last night so I could head to the kitchen and take the first box of gonal f out of the fridge. It was actually a bit surprising how easily I kicked in to automatic mode, twist the syringe to the 175u dosage (so many more clicks than a 50u dose!), take the cap off, pull a needle out of the box and screw it on the syringe. Take an alcohol swab and pick a spot on my belly to wipe over. Take off the two caps on the needle, push into my belly, click down on the syringe until the dose clicks back to 0. Pull needle out, re-cap, unscrew and put in the sharps container. DONE!
The rest of the day was a lot of clock watching, waiting for 8pm - my new daily injection time. The excitement that I've had over the last few days about getting started again began to give way to nerves, mostly around how the higher and new medications will effect my body.
I think part of the issue was waiting - during my IUI cycles I did my injections in the morning so it was easy - wake up, do the injection, get on with the day. It was almost a relief for my alarm to go off at 7.55pm last night so I could head to the kitchen and take the first box of gonal f out of the fridge. It was actually a bit surprising how easily I kicked in to automatic mode, twist the syringe to the 175u dosage (so many more clicks than a 50u dose!), take the cap off, pull a needle out of the box and screw it on the syringe. Take an alcohol swab and pick a spot on my belly to wipe over. Take off the two caps on the needle, push into my belly, click down on the syringe until the dose clicks back to 0. Pull needle out, re-cap, unscrew and put in the sharps container. DONE!
I did wake up super thirsty this morning, but I've been thirsty for the last month or so since having the flu so it's hard to tell whether it's a side effect of the higher dose of gonal f or not.
I found myself thinking this morning 'what if this cycle doesn't work?' - not really an unusual thought, but suddenly a real, serious question again.
I think each time you progress to something new in the fertility journey you reach a point when the positivity kicks in and you let yourself think 'this is it! this is what it's going to take for it to work, for us to fall pregnant.' It's probably absolutely necessary, as you dig deep for thousands of dollars, as you prepare to pump your body full of chemicals and you open yourself to more heartbreak. If you couldn't believe that this next step could be the final success it would be so hard to take that leap of faith and start. But having that moment when reality kicks back in and you realize you could go through all of this for nothing is pretty hard. I was lucky this morning that I was in the right frame of mind to park that thought - I have to admit I'm definitely an over-analyser (probably came in handy for the Psychology degree!) and I need a bit more practice in being able to let some of those more challenging thoughts go. So yay for me!
Today was a bit of a crazy day at work and when I packed up at 7.30 I called J to let him know I was on my way home. We agreed to duck out to grab some Mexican for dinner but after I jumped in the car I realized by the time I got home it would be injection time. Leading up to Christmas I'm going to have to be mindful of all the events that are on and remembering to do my injection. It's been a relief that my first two injections of this cycle have been literally painless. As we were driving into Genea on Monday morning I was hit by a wave of tiredness thinking 'here we go again' - the excitement of a new cycle does wear off part way through and you do get tired of the needles and the tests, the waiting to find out if everything's going ok and the nerves that are nearly always there simmering in the background. I was worried that I felt that before I'd even started but it's disappeared for now, after two painless needles and no real side effects yet. Fingers crossed I can keep it at bay!
I found myself thinking this morning 'what if this cycle doesn't work?' - not really an unusual thought, but suddenly a real, serious question again.
I think each time you progress to something new in the fertility journey you reach a point when the positivity kicks in and you let yourself think 'this is it! this is what it's going to take for it to work, for us to fall pregnant.' It's probably absolutely necessary, as you dig deep for thousands of dollars, as you prepare to pump your body full of chemicals and you open yourself to more heartbreak. If you couldn't believe that this next step could be the final success it would be so hard to take that leap of faith and start. But having that moment when reality kicks back in and you realize you could go through all of this for nothing is pretty hard. I was lucky this morning that I was in the right frame of mind to park that thought - I have to admit I'm definitely an over-analyser (probably came in handy for the Psychology degree!) and I need a bit more practice in being able to let some of those more challenging thoughts go. So yay for me!
Today was a bit of a crazy day at work and when I packed up at 7.30 I called J to let him know I was on my way home. We agreed to duck out to grab some Mexican for dinner but after I jumped in the car I realized by the time I got home it would be injection time. Leading up to Christmas I'm going to have to be mindful of all the events that are on and remembering to do my injection. It's been a relief that my first two injections of this cycle have been literally painless. As we were driving into Genea on Monday morning I was hit by a wave of tiredness thinking 'here we go again' - the excitement of a new cycle does wear off part way through and you do get tired of the needles and the tests, the waiting to find out if everything's going ok and the nerves that are nearly always there simmering in the background. I was worried that I felt that before I'd even started but it's disappeared for now, after two painless needles and no real side effects yet. Fingers crossed I can keep it at bay!
My sock buddy has her pregnancy blood test on Friday and I am SO excited and nervous for her. I have my first blood test to check on how my hormones are progressing as well so it's a big day for both of us - although slightly bigger for her! I am so, so, so hopeful this is her successful cycle - I wish I could make the outcome positive for her. And if it is it's definitely going to give me a bit of extra inspiration and motivation on my fifth day of hormone injections and first day of double injections.
Bring on Friday!
Bring on Friday!