It's that awkward kind of waiting room - everyone acutely aware of why everyone else is here but no one talking. J and I usually alternate between hushed conversations and playing with our phones. Every now and then I read one of the trashy magazines that I normally only pick up in the hairdressers. We laugh a lot and sometimes I feel as though were the odd ones out - laughing in this room of awkward seriousness.
Once you've been a few times you can figure out what people are there for. The men who go through the side door and usually leave as soon as they come back out, head down avoiding, eye contact are their for their test samples or contributions. The door behind reception leads you to the rooms where ultrasounds and the inseminations are done and down the corridor on the right to the nurse's rooms for consultations and blood tests.
I love people-watching and I find it all fascinating. I wish I could ask what everyone's stories are. There was the guy who looked old enough to be my father who sat typing on his iPad for ages before a young girl came back out to rejoin him. Father supporting his daughter? I couldn't imagine ever dragging my dad along to something like this! Older man with his younger wife? The woman in the full hijab and her husband. How does that work with religious beliefs? The woman who left while we were waiting who already had a young child. Would I put myself through this if I already had a child? I wonder what people think about me? About us? There's no judgement from me, just pure curiosity.
I'm surprised I haven't run into anyone I know yet - there are always so many different faces. Sometimes it's so crowded it's standing room only. People get up to go to whichever component they have on today but you don't know whether to take their seat because they might have to come out and wait for another test or a consultation. When you have to do a blood test & an ultrasound it's like a lucky dip which will happen first. Once we had to wait 50 mins and I was beginning to wonder whether is written my name on the list properly before I finally got called.
I count my blessings that J is an active and supportive partner in this journey. Quite often there are women there on their own and the reality is, not everyone has the time or convenience for both partners to be there. I'm sure some of these women are literally doing it on their own with sperm donors in a quest to become a mother before it's too late. As we were leading up to our first IUI cycle J and I were discussing the unknown insemination date - would it fall on a day when J had an upcoming work trip booked, or would it fall on the weekend when we were due to pick E up - an almost 5 hour return trip plus soccer in between. I told him it was ok, he could go in early morning and give his 'contribution' and then I would ask my mum to go with me - I think I even asked her as a heads up and of course she would be there for me, no questions asked. He insisted that he wanted to be there, that he'd cancel his work trip or we'd work picking E up around insemination, I reassured him that it was ok, no pressure, I'd be fine. Then he told me 'If we do fall pregnant, I'd like to be there at the moment of conception' and that just blew my mind (and made us laugh). I hadn't thought of it that way - normally there's no question of the father being there at the moment of conception, but how weird would it be to tell your child 'Dad wasn't there but Grandma was'!!!! And so J has attended each and every appointment at the clinic, has sat in that awkward waiting room, has made me giggle in the silence, has ordered coffees with me afterwards while we debrief and has held my hand during the difficult bits. Love him.
Once you've been a few times you can figure out what people are there for. The men who go through the side door and usually leave as soon as they come back out, head down avoiding, eye contact are their for their test samples or contributions. The door behind reception leads you to the rooms where ultrasounds and the inseminations are done and down the corridor on the right to the nurse's rooms for consultations and blood tests.
I love people-watching and I find it all fascinating. I wish I could ask what everyone's stories are. There was the guy who looked old enough to be my father who sat typing on his iPad for ages before a young girl came back out to rejoin him. Father supporting his daughter? I couldn't imagine ever dragging my dad along to something like this! Older man with his younger wife? The woman in the full hijab and her husband. How does that work with religious beliefs? The woman who left while we were waiting who already had a young child. Would I put myself through this if I already had a child? I wonder what people think about me? About us? There's no judgement from me, just pure curiosity.
I'm surprised I haven't run into anyone I know yet - there are always so many different faces. Sometimes it's so crowded it's standing room only. People get up to go to whichever component they have on today but you don't know whether to take their seat because they might have to come out and wait for another test or a consultation. When you have to do a blood test & an ultrasound it's like a lucky dip which will happen first. Once we had to wait 50 mins and I was beginning to wonder whether is written my name on the list properly before I finally got called.
I count my blessings that J is an active and supportive partner in this journey. Quite often there are women there on their own and the reality is, not everyone has the time or convenience for both partners to be there. I'm sure some of these women are literally doing it on their own with sperm donors in a quest to become a mother before it's too late. As we were leading up to our first IUI cycle J and I were discussing the unknown insemination date - would it fall on a day when J had an upcoming work trip booked, or would it fall on the weekend when we were due to pick E up - an almost 5 hour return trip plus soccer in between. I told him it was ok, he could go in early morning and give his 'contribution' and then I would ask my mum to go with me - I think I even asked her as a heads up and of course she would be there for me, no questions asked. He insisted that he wanted to be there, that he'd cancel his work trip or we'd work picking E up around insemination, I reassured him that it was ok, no pressure, I'd be fine. Then he told me 'If we do fall pregnant, I'd like to be there at the moment of conception' and that just blew my mind (and made us laugh). I hadn't thought of it that way - normally there's no question of the father being there at the moment of conception, but how weird would it be to tell your child 'Dad wasn't there but Grandma was'!!!! And so J has attended each and every appointment at the clinic, has sat in that awkward waiting room, has made me giggle in the silence, has ordered coffees with me afterwards while we debrief and has held my hand during the difficult bits. Love him.